I wanted to make a collection of Environmental Jokes - there aren't a lot of them, and they're hard to find. So PLEASE post'em if you got'em by commenting. Sam, I'm especially counting on you to help in this endeavor!
Q. How do you tell a girl ant from a boy ant?
A. Drop it in water. If it sinks, its a girl ant. If it floats, its boyant.
Q. Why did the near-sighted manatee go to the optician?
A. It wanted to be a see-cow.
Here's my favorite, that my students "loved." It is from last month's AARP Magazine.
Two wind turbines were standing in a field, blades slowly spinning in the wind.
Turbine 1. So, what kind of music do you like?
Turbine 2. Oh, I'm a heavy metal fan.
These are two that turned up on the web a few years ago:
A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night’s dinner on his way home. The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for organic vegetables before finally asking the produce guy where they were. The produce guy didn’t know what he was talking about, so the husband said: “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with poisonous chemicals?” To which the produce guy replied, “No, sir, you will have to do that yourself.”
An environmentalist dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an environmentalist–you’re in the wrong place.” Thinking that heaven could never make an error, the environmentalist reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the environmentalist gets dissatisfied with the environment in hell and starts implementing eco-friendly improvements. After a while, global warming, air and water pollution are under control. The landscape is covered with grass and plants, the food is organic, and the people are happy. The environmentalist has become a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got clean air and water, the temperature is better and the food tastes better, and there’s no telling what this environmentalist is going to fix next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an environmentalist? That’s a mistake–he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an environmentalist on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Ok, no one is posting any environmental jokes, so I'm opening it up to any bad jokes.
I really like this new hair cut. It's starting to grow on me.
Ok, no one is posting any environmental jokes, so I'm opening it up to any bad jokes.
I really like this new hair cut. It's starting to grow on me.
Environmental/lawyer joke... gotta love it!
ReplyDeleteNot That Kind of Recycling!
ReplyDeleteA woman returned home after a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with another, younger woman. Just as she was about to rip her husband a new one, he quickly explained the situation:
“You have to hear about how this happened. While driving home, I saw this young girl looking poor and tired, so I offered her a ride. Since she was hungry, I brought her home and fed her some of the leftovers in the refrigerator that you had forgotten about. Her shoes were worn out, so I gave her a pair of your shoes that you don’t wear because they went out of style. She got cold, so I gave her that sweater I got you for your birthday that you never wear because you don’t like the color. Her jeans were worn and full of holes, so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then, as she was about to leave the house, she asked, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?’"
The man still can’t sit comfortably.
http://hubpages.com/literature/5-Jokes-About-the-Environment
I am tempted to post the Moth Joke
ReplyDeleteI guess you better...:-)
DeleteSo a moth goes into a podiatrists office.
ReplyDelete"Come in," says the podiatrist, "What's the problem?"
The moth drops down into the nearest chair and says "What's the problem? I don't even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day in and day out, and I'm too spineless to stand up to him, so I just take it and I've gradually come to hate myself for it. Also, every morning I wake up to the same prune-face old crone to whom I pledged my vows so many years ago. I used to love her, but that love has become like some sun-festering beached whale trying to die. We lost our daughter last year to one of the bitterest, coldest winters we've ever had to face in this region. Isn't it funny, doc, how all the prayer circles and charity drives in the world amount to pretty much nothing in the face of that cold, impartial face of winter, that bleak, pounding, harsh fist of a callous environment, carrying on with its machinations without regard to our lives, loves, hopes and dreams? Isn't that hysterical, Doc? Oh and then there's my son. Doc, I don't love him anymore. I don't know what it is but I look in his eyes and I see that same harried look of gutless cowardice that I see when I stare at my own face in the mirror. If I wasn't such a coward, Doc, I know I'd be able to scrape together enough pride to grab that cocked and loaded shotgun I keep by the bedside table, and just run amok and put an end to this grim facade once and for all. I start with the wife, then the boy of course before putting the barrell in my own mouth. Believe you me, Doc, I'd be doing the world a favor. I have nothing to look forward to but a continuation of this spiraling black hole that is my life, this existential cesspool that is the perpetuation of my lingering skid-mark on society. I despise people yet I crave their approval. I'm judgemental yet I care about nothing. I'm bitter, hateful and afraid. I'm alive yet I feel like the walking dead. This is it, Doc: I am a living, breathing, disease."
The doctor stares at him for a while then finally says "Jeez, Moth, you definitely have some problems. But I'm a podiatrist. You need a psychiatrist. Why'd you come in here?"
The moth says,"Your light was on."